Life is an Adventure

Trust is very important

Wow, it took me until today to realize how important trust is. So my family and I don't get along very well. Those of you who know me would/should know this depending on how long you've known me. All the anger and animosity that I have with them however is based on the lack of trust I have in them. Every one of them.

I don't trust my family. That's sad. That makes me sad. Not trusting them or being able to has made me feel sad, angry, anxious, annoyed, and helpless for a long time. I've always said that family is so important to everyone; all my friends. Whenever it came down to attending a family event or hanging out with friends, I always told my friends to go see their families. I really believe that in the end those are the people that you will always have.

Wow, I really am a hypocrite. Well, no I wasn't a hypocrite, because I always went to see my family over my friends, if there was some important event or something, but I definitely, rarely enjoyed those times.

Honestly, that's the problem. I finally understand. I just don't trust my family. They've shown me no reason to trust them. My parents took care of me because they are supposed to, and yes, I love them for that. I don't trust them though. They never built any trust with me. Even if they did, they've done so many things that shattered it all to pieces. Geeze, this really makes me sad to write this.

More importantly, however, I am now realizing that I mistrust others. Even more, I fear that I've misplaced my trust with those who have my trust. People that could have been my friends probably couldn't because I wouldn't trust them. Trust them to be honest or trust them to just be there even if they didn't become my best friends. Wow, this is an important day and I'm glad I'm documenting this (digitally). It'll probably get written down or taped into my tangible journal too, but that's besides the point. This is an important day.

So my sadness has escaped my eyes for the moment. My thoughts will dwell on this for at least a little while longer. It was good to write this down.

posted by Suji @ 11:24 PM

Stagnant situation

So I've determined that San Diego isn't that great when the people you are around don't do anything interesting. I also feel pretty closed in.

"Why?" you ask?
I like people. I like honest people. I like people who like to have intellectual conversations and not ones that think life is just about alcohol and partying. Unfortunately, I haven't been meeting new people. Just the same people I go to classes with and the ones who are in my department and in my year. I feel that my social development has stagnated. It's starting to irritate me and I've become moody. I don't think I'm normally this moody.

Simple solution is to find new people, right? Err...well not so easy when the campus is friggin' huge! Oi...we're not at Carnegie Mellon anymore, Toto. It was so easy to meet people then. Having 3 jobs and a nearly non-existent sleeping schedule helped me meet a lot of people. I don't want to do that again, well it's just that I like sleeping now, a lot.

Well I'm working on a solution to the problem, via other routes than becoming a zombie. So we'll see what happens. Until then I'm focusing my energy on my work.

posted by Suji @ 8:40 PM 0 comments